Guys, I had some important feelings revealed to me over the weekend, and I am going to need you to do this for me ASAP! I need you to record 2 MORE SONGS than planned, and RIGHT AWAY! 1) All about my stress and my frustraions and the meaninglessness of it all! Summed up in a haiku sort of limerick. The lyrics are simply:
There once was a man from Nantucket
No, there never was a man from Nantucket
So that's how it goes
Yes that's how it goes
There never was a man from Nantucket
But make the song long and artictically satisfying. You can do some of that God awful art noise that makes my tummy puke if that's what it takes to set the right haunting tone for my new song.
2) A song about ME IN THE FUTURE?!!!!!!!!! Told from THE POINT OF VIEW OF AN OLD MAN: NOT ME!!! This is complicated and came partly from dreams and ideas I've had. All I have for lyrics though is "Adam [editor's note: 'Adam' is future me, being talked of by the OLD MAN!] sleeps around [adultery is wrong! But in songs and dreams and imagination, sometimes the wrong thing can be explored!!!] but when he jisms a wad [this is the best I could come up with, if you want to put it 'more delicately' be my guest, you fucking pussies] he thinks about the little Mrs! [here we understand about conflicted feeling!]" I don't know how the music should go. WIERD! Like in a dream or something! But not TOO MUCH, OK?
Those are the songs in need done in the next few days. Jama; did you get the mixes done for the other stuff? We need to pull together and get my album done!!!
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Oh, I don't know, Hahn, that seems like an awful lot to ask for us to get done by, what? Friday? Jamal and I both have a lot of things to do this week. We can try our best, but I can't garuntee anything.
I am, quite frankly, reaching my breaking point on your demands. I've been willing to go along so far, but you just keep making demands! We'll try our best. I'm sorry, but that's all I can promise.
Adam, you loon. Your requests just keep getting wackier, don't they? You must think recording songs and writing pretty much ALL THE MUSIC for them is quite a quick and easy little process. And what: you're not even doing lyrics now? Just 1/2 finished little fragments? If you're really so set on preserving every precious thought that happens to skatter through your Eggy brain, why don't we just use all your rambling posts from this blog as lyrics? Good as anything, hey?
OK, we got the songs done, just as you asked. It took all friggin night and I'm EXHOSTED, but we got them done. I hope for all our sakes that that really is the end of it, though. I think we're all treading very thin ice here. We got this weird ol project done, let's just sit back and relax for a lil minute here! Take a chill pill. Put your feet up. Cool your jets. Ride a motor boat. Jet skiiis! Aeroblimp. Or stay in and order a PIZZA with EXTRA CHEESIER!!!!!!!!!
Post-it: What in heaven's name is the track order now? Me oh my I'm hungry, can't seem to get my bill!
OK, we got the songs done, just as you asked. It took all friggin night and I'm EXHOSTED, but we got them done. I hope for all our sakes that that really is the end of it, though. I think we're all treading very thin ice here. We got this weird ol project done, let's just sit back and relax for a lil minute here! Take a chill pill. Put your feet up. Cool your jets. Ride a motor boat. Jet skiiis! Aeroblimp. Or stay in and order a PIZZA with EXTRA CHEESIER!!!!!!!!!
Post-it: What in heaven's name is the track order now? Me oh my I'm hungry, can't seem to get my bill!
Sorry I posted that twice, this computer's bean a lamer.
Oh man, I can't wait to hear me some future-old-man-ballad-about-the-egg!!!!!!!!!
Adam-
I suppose the best explaination for how we are getting these done so fast is that we are so talented! Either that or we didn't try very hard. You pick. I like the first one.
At this point, I don't think you're entitled to be very particular, M'Adam. You're not helping us with anything! The songs are what they are. What the hell is going on, though? I mean, are you still planning to add the "final vocals" to these or what? And if so, when? Give us some kind of overview of your master plan here. We've been recording your weird nightmare fantasies for days, what does it all mean, for goshness?!!!
Yeah, I'm feeling totally in the dark here. I mean...at first you were pretty specific on what you wanted and you had these lyrics and all this planned out and it was fine and good and easy. But now you are getting more and more vague and putting more on us and it's FRUSTRATING. We're just sitting around and making music and HOPING YOU LIKE IT! What if you don't?! I guess it's you're own fault if you end up hating this, becuase since you didn't give us more clear instructions. We didn't know what YOU wanted, so we ended up doing what WE wanted. And we all know that our tastes differ. I'm starting to question your devotion to this project. At first I thought that it was all on you, but now it seems like it's more of "me and Jamal's" thing than yours. It just feels like you're so detached. It's hard for you to be the boss that way, Padam. What's your deal?
Michael and Jamal, I understand that this must be confusing, but your lack of faith is still unsettling. How can I trust you to properly express my thoughts and dreams and feelings through the power of my music if you don't even give me credit enough to believe I know what I'm doing in the first place? Sometimes you can't see the big picture till it's all over. But believe me, if you have followed my instructions TO THE LETTER, once this is over, you will take a step back, and you will know. I'm not saying things can ever be the same: remember, "you can never go home again", but also recall, "that's not a problem when all of the time is nice."
That's all I can really say at this point. Please complete whatever mixing needs to be done, and don't worry about my "final vocals" for now. All in good time. I need to hear how these songs fare without me 1st before I can decide if it's even worth my time putting the vocals down (and I hope that it is, I really do).
Also, one final job for you: I need four more songs recorded and mastered, preferably before the weekend.
1: A children's songs about moving to a new house. Talk about the different items you want to bring to your new house, and please include string, yarn, teeth, bones, and your own head on the list. Anything else you want, too.
2: A song about how you've got a friend in Jesus. Do whatever style you want, but that's the theme. It's important to me for personal reasons.
3: A song about how sometimes it just gets so hot out! What fun can you have THEN? It's too fucking hot to do ANYTHING! Write that song. Jamal, use a pretty falsetto in that, at least for some part.
4: A song called "Backwards Tooth/Chunk In Teeth".
I hope you have a lot of time today and tomorrow. I'll let you get to work now.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?! FOUR MORE SONGS?!?!?! WE JUST GOT DONE VENTING ABOUT YOUR UNRESONABLE REQUESTS!
No way, pal. I'm not doing it. In fact, forget the project all together. I'm out.
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